Wednesday, January 27, 2010
What becomes of the broken hearted?
I imagine by now you are probably at least as tall as I am. If genetics have smiled on you then you still have Dad’s metabolism as well as his athleticism. I imagine that your beautiful brown eyes have only gotten more striking with age and that your intellect has grown in-kind. You’re bouncing real basketballs now instead of the red & black Spiderman Nerf ball you held so dear when you were little, and I am confident that you no longer need Dad or I to lift you up to make a basket.
I’m also sure that around this time you are probably experiencing your first true broken heart. You won’t remember, but when you were three you told me your heart was broken and you asked me to fix it. You didn’t really understand what having a broken heart meant, it was just a phrase you had heard in a book we were reading to you. But now you understand and I so wish that I could take my index finger, make a small heart on your chest, give you a kiss and tell you it was all better. You believed me then, but I know you wouldn’t believe me now.
What I will tell you is that life will move on. It won’t be easy, and it won’t be fun, but time is a great healer. As your Grandma always says, “this too shall pass.” Being 15, I don’t expect to hear more than a, “hmph” from you when I say this, but I’m going to say it anyway.
Then someday when you are 36 and your three-year old son asks you to fix his broken heart you’ll remember your first true broken heart with a bit of whimsy. You’ll look down at the eager face of a three-year old who still believes that you can fix anything, and you’ll want to just wrap him up and insulate him from everything in this world that could hurt him or cause him any pain. You can’t, of course, nor should you. And that realization will tear you up inside and hurt more than any broken heart ever could. Given that you’re 15 you can’t fathom being 36 but, trust me, it happens in an instant.
As for what you are feeling now, it will get better – I promise. But until it does, just know that I love you and that I once fixed your broken heart. And if I could, I’d do it again.